Thursday, 09 April 2009

• do real men cry?

  it was in the summer of 1999.  the humility was dreadful.  the sorching heat was awful, and the heat only got hotter and hotter as the day continued.  Yongsan, South Korea... separated from my family and friends... oh how i missed them.

  later that night while sitting on my bed, i began to see faces, familiar faces; ones that were close to me, ones who encouraged me, ones who were reliable, and ones that were good to me.  abruptly, all the faces slow down, and the first face i saw was my mom... her beautiful eyes, her goofy laugh, her gentle words of encouragement, her round cheeks when she smiled, it was then that my eyes started to tear up.  soon, i realized my eyes were balling.  it didn't stop.  it was like a waterfall. 

  then, faces of my brothers, andrew and david, my uncles and aunts, my little cousins... my friends... appeared.  i missed them truly.

  about a week and a half ago, an accident happened.  when i heard of the incident, i cried. 

  it's sad to say that i will never see vincent's face again.  i will not hear his funny jokes, listen to his laugh, play basketball, football, or even starcraft with the guy.  i will not get to enjoy his company when he's at my house.  i will not get to randomly go out to eat in the middle of the night while searching for open restaurants.  i will not get the chance to race him on my bike behind the old town in alameda.  most of all, i will not see him again on earth.

  although it's a grieving moment, i'm glad there is hope.  this intangible yet powerful hope, knowing that one day, i will once again see my brother.  i will get to hug him.  i will get to laugh with him.  i will get to praise God all the days of our lives together wtih him.  i will get to know him.  i will...

  with that said, i remember the words of God in romans 5:3-5, "³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

  even though they took him from us, God placed him in His presence.  

  i'm envies of him. 

  he's already there.

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